My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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