no, he came in my armpit
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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