He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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