i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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