oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
