sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
