My hair reeks of homosexuality.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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