where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
