God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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