Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
