I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
