TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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