I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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