whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
