Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
