ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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