life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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