How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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