I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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