Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
