So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
organizing the empties. That sober.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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