Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need water and some morals
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
