can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
only you would photoshop your dick
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
