Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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