I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
