literally had 100 drinks last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
