standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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