You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
