My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK