i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.