The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They took my balls.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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