matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy