He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis