I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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