Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
