I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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