Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
