I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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You had me at "let me see your balls"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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