Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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