Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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