six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
