All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
