i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
