Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
