I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
