Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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