no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
