On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
3pm strippers are depressing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
