What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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