I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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