I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
