Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
