So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
