Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
