I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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