There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
40s are totally the cure
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
