I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
