Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize