The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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