what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
