Your dad touched me again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize