Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
