Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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