I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
