Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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