This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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