Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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