I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
