i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
