He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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