Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
