dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
