If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
