You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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