He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
