I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize