walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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