I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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