my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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