you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
bring money and cleavage
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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