You're my little dorito
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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