I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
